I had the chance to talk with Brian Tracy for a while, last week, as well as attend his the documentary film, Maximum Achievement, which chronicled his amazing story of transforming himself from working as a manual laborer to somebody that’s running multi-million dollar companies and with a history of speaking to over 5 million people, world-wide.

The event was a transformational experience for me.  It’s given me a key insight that I can use to improve my life, which is what I want to share with you here.

After the viewing we did a little Q&A and I was actually able to get the mic and ask him about the main theme of his movie, about the idea of being responsible, taking responsibility for your life and moving from where you are now to where you want to be.

I asked him, “We understand that responsibility is important.  I think we all get it.  But if you take responsibility on Monday… but on Tuesday things get in the way and on Wednesday your eye is completely off the ball, how do you see whether you’re still being responsible for your life?  How do you know how responsible you are at any given moment, so we know that we’re actually driving towards the life we want and deserve?”

In a funny way, even though Brian is so well known for goal setting, his answer had nothing to do with that.  What it really comes down to, he told us, is this.  If something’s in your way, something that’s blocking you from taking responsibility… you simply need to get over it and get on with your life.

I thought that was a genuinely beautiful insight.  And, thinking back about everything he talked about, that night, it sparked an idea.  And it helped me come up with this quick test that we can use to dive into what’s holding us back, inside our hearts, so, just as Brian said, we can get over it, get on with our lives, and be responsible for who we are, so we can achieve the lives we really want.

Here it is.

If you ever find yourself using the words, “If only,” then that’s a red flag that you need to start looking inside yourself, you need to dig in to find the root cause of that excuse.  Because that’s what’s holding you back.

For example, if I was being responsible for myself and I told myself, “I’m going to pay all my bills on the first of the month,” and then the first comes around… and the second, third, and fourth, and I still haven’t paid them… well, obviously, I’m not taking responsibility.

At that point I need to ‘fess up’ and ask myself, “Can I make an excuse here?”

I need to ask myself, “Can I say, ‘If only (something) didn’t happen, then I would’ve been able to pay my bills on the first???’”  And if so, can I dive even deeper into that reason?

For example, if I said, “If only the job market were better, then I’d have more money and then I’d be able to pay my bills on the first.”

Ok, well, what about the job market?  Is there an excuse there?

Then I might say, “If only they were looking for people who had my background, then I could get a job and pay my bills on time.”

Ok, well, let’s dive more into that.  What about the background?

“Well, if only they weren’t expecting people who had such high qualifications, then I would have a job.”

Ok, well, what is that exactly?

“Well, if only I had gotten more education earlier on, then I would have the qualifications… then I would get the job… and then I could pay my bills on time.”

Ok, so you didn’t get enough education… so, why is that?

Again, I keep digging until I find the original excuse.  And if I said, “Well, if only my parents hadn’t broke up, then I would have gotten the education… then I would have gotten the job… then I would pay my bills on time…”  Then I would be getting much closer to the heart of the matter, right?

Then it would be easier for me to see what the real problem was.  I would be able to take a look at my youth and see that those earlier unresolved emotional issues are holding me back from getting the job I want… and being the person that I want… so I can realize that that’s not the way it has to be.

That’s one of the central realizations for ‘getting over it. And getting on with your life.’  That’s the honest we can find by continuing to pull at the thread of our excuses by using the words, “if only… if only… if only…” to uncover the real cause.

And then and only then, at the moment of truth, when we see there’s obviously someone we need to forgive, can say, truly, “I forgive whatever happened, so I can be free – because I’m responsible for my life and for everything that’s going to happen in my life going forward.”

This is the beautiful realization that Brian gave us.  It was the hard lesson that he had learned as a young man when he was forced to confront the hard feelings he was left with because his father hadn’t ever giving him credit for anything, he’d never made the effort to say, “You’re smart… or you’re good at this or that…”

One never forgets about these kinds of things, even if you can’t remember.

Yet, these are the very things we carry with us all through our lives.  That’s the baggage that we all have, somewhere inside.  And that might still be holding you back making, you feel like a ‘poor guy’, like a victim of your circumstances.

This might be the excuse we all return to, every day, even if we don’t say it.

So how did Brian break free?  How did he accept the poor conditions he grew up in, the hand-me-down clothes and the laughter from other boys in school?

On this he mentioned that there was a girlfriend that he had a long time ago, before he met his wife, and one time he had been going on about how poorly his father had treated him.

And, he said, being that she was a pretty ornery girl, she’d shouted at him, “Hey!  Are you happy now?”

And he replied, “Well, yeah…”

“Well, your father is what got you here.  So shut up and get on with it!”

Who can argue with that!

From that moment Brian realized that he needed to forgive everybody… and forgive the pain that he had lived with, earlier, so he can forgive, find his real happiness and move on with his life.

All-in-all, this experience showed me that forgiving and ‘getting on with it’, is really what taking responsibility for your life is all about.  And it’s the key to overcoming whatever challenge you’re facing.  Whether it is a tough job market… or whether it’s a client that you’re trying to get in touch with.

Because, whatever it is, that baggage from the past is going to stop you from getting out there or picking up the phone and calling up your client, if you don’t deal with it…

So the next time you aren’t able to move forward… the next time you keep slipping back into the same old behavior… you need to tell yourself, “I know that thing that happened… that thing that happened when I was young – that’s what’s holding me back.  Those old excuses of, ‘if only this’, ‘if only that’ –  that’s what’s holding me back.  But, because I know I can’t be responsible for my life unless I’m responsible for everything…  I know it’s my responsibility, right now, to forgive and to forget – so I can be the one that’s responsible for my success in the future.”

Thank you so much, Brian, for this inspiration.  And, just like I mentioned on the red carpet, “I would say, ‘if only we could all have a life like yours…’, ‘if only we could have a movie like yours’… and we could be surrounded by a beautiful family in our old age… and be able to share that with our closest friends and family, that would be an amazing thing.  But!  You’ve written it all down, so I know that all we have to do is follow along.  All we have to do is take action, by forgiving the people that are holding us back… and follow along the proven steps for success.  That’s how we can take responsibility for life… and that’s how we can have the success we really want and deserve.

Thank you for that!

All the best,

Jeremiah
 

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